Unfortunately in our society, many couples will experience a divorce. While divorce rates may change over the years as society and laws change, it is still commonly believed that roughly 50% of marriages will end in divorce. Wendy Paris, the author of Splitopia: Dispatches from Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well, offers couples tools (principles) to help them make positive and productive choices through the divorce and co-parenting. Let’s take a look at the first 4 Principles of Parting:

  1. COMMIT TO SELF-COMPASSION: Borrowed from Buddhism, this principle helps you see the problem as part of the universal human struggle. By taking the focus off it being a “personal failure”, you can decrease anxiety and better embrace understanding and forgiveness. While self-compassion may not come easily at first, it can be learned and become a very important tool with positive divorce recuperation.
  1. TAKE OWNERSHIP OF THE FUTURE (AND THE PAST): Even if you are the spouse that was wronged, bouncing back from a divorce more positively and quickly is possible when you take ownership. Embrace your power to accept your role in the past and how you will choose to move forward into the future.
  1. DON’T CONFUSE FILING WITH CLOSURE: It’s only natural to want to put a divorce behind you as quickly as possible. But if you are looking to tackle it in a more positive and productive manner, don’t rush into it while in a fog of resentment. Try to work through the agreements collaboratively and keep your relationship as positive as possible, especially when kids are involved.
  1. BUILD A TOOL KIT FOR DIVORCE: Similar to an emergency-preparedness tool kit for weather disasters, Wendy has created a tool kit for divorce. Her suggestions include three things: new routines for daily chores, plans for eliminating emotional flare-ups and an emergency responder. 

Stay tuned for part 2 of this series, Divorce: 7 Principles of Parting. We will explore Wendy’s remaining 3 principles to help couples work through a divorce more positively and productively. For more information regarding divorce law and advice regarding your specific situation, contact Gerstenberger Law at (770) 920-7722.






The information found on the Gerstenberger Law site is for educational purposes only. Your situation and the situation of others is unique and more complex. This is neither legal advice nor to be considered legal advice. Contact us for advice about your specific situation.

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